i'm not really sure anyone reads what i write but i'm still going to write it.
for my blog title i picked today my life begins bc its from one of my favorite songs by Bruno Mars.
the lyrics are like, "i will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me, leave the past behind me, today my life begins. A whole new world is waiting..."
well, that is exactly what i'm going to do. i'm tired of feeling like shit every time i try some clothes on that my mom buys me and find out that they're tiny and i have to tell her that. i'm tired of fucking eating my life away and not enjoying anything. i'm tired of feeling so...idk.
i WILL lose weight. i will get thinner. i WILL be a size 0, then a 00 soon enough. i'm tired of feeling this way and being lazy and stupid.
guys say that they like girls that have some "meat" on them. but i know of a couple of guys that want to feel...bigger...than their girlfriends. they want to protect them, i guess you could say.
i want to be fragile, small, soft, a damsel in distress. i'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. :)
anyways, i am 128 right now. idk for sure. my mom won't by a scale bc she thinks that to track her weight loss all she needs to do is track her dress sizes.
anyways, i would like to be 110. tht is such a heavenly number.
to do so, i need to cut it out. NO LONGER am i the weak one. i WILL rise above myself. i will be great. this is not just a pep talk. sometimes i just hate myself for eating and i don't like hating myself, i feel put down and its not healthy.
school is starting soon. i'm still not sure what school i'm going to but regardless,i need to be skinny. yes, i will sacrifice my "big butt" but that's okay. my mom already gives me shit about it day in and day out.
so this is what i plan on accomplishing:
1. longer hair
2. skinnier face
3.brighter smile
4.skinny fingers. i have small hands and i get a lot of comments on how soft they are so i want them not to be chubby.
5. practically no stomach. in fact, i want a concalve stomach. i want hip bones to protrude through my shirt.
6. i want tiny legs.
7. tiny thighs.
8. reasonable butt.
9. small arms.
10. normal sized boobs.
11.flat stomach. i hate that my stomach sticks out and i have to constantly suck it in.
12. approval from my mother. ugh, sometimes its just so hard to please her.
13. lighter complexion. i don't understand why some ppl like tanning. it looks good on some people, but not me.
14. lighter hair.
15. nicer to people but still keeping my "i don't give a shit" way of life.
16. white skinny jeans.
17. size 0 pants.
18. size 00 American Eagle jeans.
i can just imagine myself walking down the hallway, my things not rubbing against each other. i can imagine my hair, flowing in the wind, my skin, glistening in the sun, my tiny things, when i cross my legs or when i fold one of them underneath me. i can imagine my tiny arms and shoulders, how wonderful it will feel to be hugged. i can imagine playing basketball and not having my huge butt flying everywhere as i run. i can imagine P.E being effortless. i can imagine being weightless and beautiful.
SO, starting tomorrow. well, today, since its lk 4 AM, i will start my water fast. its going to be so difficult, but i MUST do it. i MUST! i cannot continue living this way. since we dont have any, lk, clean water in the house, i'm going to have to take tap water. that's okay with me. its going to be hard not living with tea, but i have to do it.
for how long? 7 days. if i see that i can go longer, then fine. max is 30 days. from what i've heard, you can lose 20 lbs for water fasting in a week. that is AHMAZING! & def what i need. i also need to be cleansed, so i'm perfectly good with that.
its going to be so difficult. i know it, but i NEED to do it. food, its not an option. i'll brush my teeth every hour if it keeps me from eating.
i'm just so sick and tired of feeling this way. i just want to be happy. is that so much to ask for?
here are some pics of how thin i WILL become.
i start today. NOTHING will stop me. i am invincible. i say FUCK YOU to all those that think i can't. FUCK you to those that will try to stop me. not a morsel of food will pass these lips. and not a morsel of fat will come upon these hips.
anyways, goin to bed.
RIP...
